duas cancões imperdĂ­veis de Tim Minchin

Matilda in London – Songs by the Australian Tim Minchen

Cont by Tim Minchin

Esta primeira, com um tema sempre muito actual Ă© possĂ­velmente a minha favorita. Dediquei-a ao meu pai, na rede ‘WeChat’ chinesa, no dia do funeral do meu pai. Fui forçada a apagala porque os chineses nĂŁo compreendem estas letras, disseram-me. Deve ter que ver com a exterminação dos Uyghur, entre outros. Bem, sĂł quero frisar que sou cidadĂŁ livre e democrata e este domĂ­nio Ă© meu!

A segunda, chama-se “Naughty” do musical “Matilda” que assisti em Londres, em Fevereiro, neste ano trágico para todos. Faz-me lembrar o meu namorado e todos os colegas e amigos (pretos, brancos, amarelos, minorcas e gigantes!) que tenho espalhados pelo mundo. Nesta peça, a minha “Matilda” bilingue era Russa! Foi lindo e recomendo. Um dia hei-de ir ao Lake Baikal na Siberia a Vladivostok e a Moscovo visitar os meus colegas.

Há comboios que fazem esta rota e deve ser sensacional viajar de Moscovo a Vladivostok. O Trans-Siberiano! Os russos vieram habitar Ha’erbin (Harbin) para construir esta linha. Hoje, os chineses estĂŁo a construir uma mega ponte que liga Harbin a Vladivostok. Um viva ao progresso e as nações unidas.

Deus queira que os teatros no Reino Unido e por todo o mundo reabram o quanto antes que esta abstinĂŞncia Ă© pior que ressaca!

Deixo o link da Royal Shakespeare Company com desejo de que os reencontros sejam para breve. Venda de bilhetes, e outras informações, aqui.

Matilda The Musical by The Royal Shakespeare Company

[Intro, spoken]

So, yeah, this is, um, this is a new song I’ve written. It’s kind of a sort of jaunty swing number and it’s called, um, “Cont”

[Verse 1]

I don’t like Jews

Neither should you

They’re ethically and spiritually poor, that’s a fact

I don’t like black people

It’s just not acceptable

There should be some kind of law that is that

[Verse 2]

And I get the shits with Inuits

They get on my tits, the little bastards

And women

Just make me so mad, does that make me bad?

Am I bad, is that bad?

[Verse 3]

And the fuckin’ Italians, I just cannot stand them

They really inspire my rancor

Cheating fucking Italian wankers

And lesbians and the bi-curious

Make me furious

It’s not their fault, I know, but still… grr!

[Verse 4]

And fuckin’ Christians

I just want to punch ’em in their faces

And I’m not comfortable with Muslims on the tube

And I can’t stand publicly breastfeeding mothers

[Verse 5]

And I hate gays who talk camp-ly

And the fuckin’ Chinese make me angry

[Bridge]

I hate the rich…

I hate the poor…

I hate bitches…

I hate whores…

[Outro]

I hate Africans…

I hate Japanese…

I hate the disabled…

I hate Burmese…

Yeah, I don’t care about your color or your creed

I will judge you for no reason…

[Interlude, spoken]

Is that… is that… no, just stop. 

[Heckler: I love you!] Ohhh. Oh, fuck. Sorry, I… it’s, ugh, that’s the trouble with trying out new stuff. It’s… half the year- I had half the lyrics covered up. I thought I was… I was only… I think we, I think we should probably do it again; I think if we leave it there, I might run the risk of being misconstrued. It’s not even called “Cont”, it’s called “Context”!

[Verse 1]

I don’t like Jews

Who make and distribute kiddy porn

Neither should you

They’re ethically and spiritually poor, that’s a fact

I don’t like black people

Who risk billions of other peoples’ money gambling on future derivatives

It’s just not acceptable

There should be some kind of law that is that

[Verse 2]

And I get the shits with Inuits

Who find out what job I do

And regale me with a racist joke or two

They get on my tits, the little bastards

And women

Who judge other women for not holding the same views as them vis-a-vis career and mothering

Just make me so mad, does that make me bad?

Am I bad, is that bad?

[Verse 3]

And the fuckin’ Italians, I just cannot stand them

When they take a dive in the penalty box, denying Australia its World Cup spot

They really inspire my rancor

Cheating fuckin’ Italian wankers

And lesbians and the bi-curious

Make me furious

When their pride parade blocked the traffic flow when my baby had asthma and had to go to the hospital

It’s not their fault, I know, but still… grr!

[Verse 4]

And fuckin’ Christians

Who lean on their horn when my wife is being cautious at an intersection

I just want to punch them in their faces, although my anger is fleeting

I understand their frustration, she’s a little too hesitant

And I’m not comfortable with Muslims on the tube

Who looks over my shoulder when I’m reading

And I can’t stand publicly breastfeeding mothers

Who smoke cigarettes while they’re feeding

[Verse 5]

And I hate gays who talk camp-ly

During the final act of King Lear

And the fuckin’ Chinese make me angry

When they make sham erection potions out of the horns of endangered rhinoceros

[Bridge]

I hate the rich who use their wealth as an excuse for bigotry

I hate the poor who use their poverty as an excuse for bigotry

I hate bitches who get rabies and try to bite babies

I hate whores who won’t accept Visa

[Outro]

I hate African racists

I hate Japanese homophobes

I hate those disabled rapists

I hate Burmese cats

Yeah, I don’t care about your color or your creed

I will judge you for no reason

But your deeds!

[spoken]

So, um…

Naughty

Tim Minchin

[MATILDA]

Jack and Jill went up the hill

To fetch a pail of water, so they say

Their subsequent fall was inevitable

They never stood a chance—

They were written that way

Innocent victims of their story!

Like Romeo and Juliet

It’s written in the stars before they even met

That love and fate and a touch of stupidity

Would rob them of their hope of living happily

The endings are often a little bit gory

I wonder why they didn’t just change their story

We’re told we have to do as we’re told, but surely

Sometimes you have to be a little bit naughty

Just because you find that life’s not fair, it

Doesn’t mean that you just have to grin and bear it

If you always take it on the chin and wear it

Nothing will change

Even if you’re little, you can do a lot, you

Mustn’t let a little thing like “little” stop you

If you sit around and let them get on top, you

Might as well be saying

You think that it’s okay

And that’s not right!

Cinderella, in the cellar

Didn’t have to do much, as far as I can tell

Her godmother was a two-thirds fairy

Suddenly her lot was a lot less scary

But what if you haven’t got a fairy to fix it?

Sometimes you have to make a little bit of mischief

Just because you find that life’s not fair, it

Doesn’t mean that you just have to grin and bear it

If you always take it on the chin and wear it

Nothing will change

Even if you’re little, you can do a lot, you

Mustn’t let a little thing like “little” stop you

If you sit around and let them get on top, you

Might as well be saying

You think that it’s okay

And that’s not right!

And if it’s not right

You have to put it right

In the slip of a bolt, there’s a tiny revolt

The seed of war in the creak of a floorboard

A storm can begin with the flap of a wing

The tiniest mite packs the mightiest sting

Every day starts with the tick of a clock

All escapes start with the click of a lock

If you’re stuck in your story and want to get out

You don’t have to cry, you don’t have to shout

Cause if you’re little you can do a lot, you

Mustn’t let a little thing like “little” stop you

If you sit around and let them get on top, you

Won’t change a thing

Just because you find that life’s not fair, it

Doesn’t mean that you just have to grin and bear it

If you always take it on the chin and wear it

You might as well be saying

You think that it’s okay

And that’s not right

And if it’s not right

You have to put it right

But nobody else is gonna put it right for me

Nobody but me is going to change my story

Sometimes you have to be a little bit naughty